The irony of life

I was going through a heart-wrenching divorce a couple of years ago and I've never been the same ever since. My convictions, beliefs and comprehension of life were all challenged and questioned. I lost a whole chunk of my self-confidence as a result, constantly second-guessing myself in all the decisions I make, down to the clothes I was going to wear that day.

After two years, I can safely say that I've somewhat recovered, having survived the worse and still hanging on. I suppose the credit should go to my supportive family, especially my adorable son and mother. Without them, I don't think I would've made it through. Ironically, my disastrous marriage was my attempt to be the good daughter and marry the man of my family's choice.

Clearly, not having a solid basis and strong understanding for a person's character and idiosyncracies are definitely BAD signs.

In retrospect, I supposed things could have gone differently but as fate has it, here I am, a single mother of a three-year-old boy, contemplating the future....

I find myself very fickle of late. I would wake up one day and decide that I should get off my butt and out of this rut and start looking for new friends and new acquaintances....who knows, it might lead to something special....

But most of the time, I'm contented with my current situation where my heart is intact and not out there for someone to tear it up again. In the society we live in, a divorced mother of a boy doesn't really sit well with most prospective mother-in-laws. So why go through the hassle and heartache of meeting someone, getting to know them, falling in love, then get shut down by their family for having a past that's not 'perfect' ? Sometimes, it is not even the family. The guy himself will say something like, " You're great and everything and I would love to get to know you better but my mum can be difficult and I hate to see you go through that." Bah! What a waste of my precious time, right?

But there's always that nuisance of a romantic inside me that tries it's hardest to convince me that there is that 'special' someone out there. I just have to be patient. With life's sick humour and neverending irony, this special guy will probably be happily married with four kids!

Sigh! C'est la vie......hold up! My mum says we should never sigh.....it'll make us grow old faster....you believe that? If it's true, I probably look 50 right about now with all the sighing I've done in the last two years.....

Early Sunday morning...

People tend to sleep in on Sundays but I've always been a morning person. I suppose my family inculcated that. They make it a point to have family breakfast every Sunday at 9 am. My brothers use to groan and whine, especially after a late night out in the town, but now that we're all grown up....we really appreciate the time spent together. With everyone's tight schedules and busy life during the week, it's just absolutely lovely to sit under a tree, relishing a roti canai and catching up on the week's event.

It's 7 am now and the house is still quiet.........but not for long though....